Holiday Grief: YouTube Reflection 13

I sit here listening to ‘ A Motown Christmas’  with my Andes mint green sheet over my head like a hood, which I utilize  to mask my tears from my curious roommate. She bursts into laughter at my unusual behavior, and then proceeds to question my condition, and in the calmest voice I could muster, I tell her,  “I am fine”. I began to scroll through the comment section, as it is usually the most entertaining part of YouTube. That was when I read Linda’s comment, and I burst into tears because it made me reflect on the fact that this is the second Christmas that I haven’t been able to enjoy with my Pawpaw. I feel as if I am being held against my will from the right to enjoy the joyous part of the holiday because though my grandpa always came across as a very serious individual, he always showed so much love during the holiday season through his cakes, prayers, and the iconic playing of his gently worn keyboard that he would carry with him to every communal family gathering in Milford, Ohio. I love my Pawpaw, and the fact that I can no longer enjoy holidays with him, is unfair, but it won’t change even if I begged God for it to change.  I believe that the part of Linda’s comment that says “It helps me get through the holidays” is very profound because it points to the need for community in our human existence. I wish I didn’t have to just “get through” the holidays, but reality doesn’t honor our every wish, but religious people say that God hears those wishes, but they rephrase it as “prayers”. 

Linda’s picture, if it is her, reflects that her years on this earth are worn. She’s not as young as I am, but maybe she is a revelation of what is to come. Linda’s comment also sends a call to action to those who may read her post saying, “Everyone grab this and embrace it, so we can have that Love all over again”. There will come a time where all we have are songs and memories to help us cherish the memories and preserve the love we have for those we love when they’re gone. Grief is unfortunately an ongoing process that will continue to haunt us as our days on this earth number. I hope that Holidays become more bearable for my family and I, as it seems that death calls for unpredictable change that one is forced to cope with. To anyone who has ever lost a loved one, and finds it hard to get through the holidays because of it, remember if we cherish the moments and hold the memory of their existence dearly, we will be able to “Love all over again, forever”!

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVf8L6zvBfE